fifteen minutes

Tonight after I put the kids to bed I set the timer and lay down on the living room floor and accepted myself.  For fifteen minutes my house was clean enough, my kids didn't watch too much tv, I was crafty, and I wasn't a pound over my ideal weight.  I probably had perfect hair too.  No tv, no computer, no phone, and no music. 
Even when the kids are sleeping -- especially when the kids are sleeping -- I never stop to be.  There's too much to DO to just BE.  Every spare moment is filled with things I need to do or things I want to do or things I should do.  Or things I don't need to do or want to do or should do but that someone has asked me to do. 
And so for fifteen minutes tonight, I stopped to be.

I thought about our house.  I wondered how many families had lived under our roof.  What joys and sorrow had these walls witnessed?  Surely we were one of the lucky ones.  Life is pretty easy for us. 

I thought about how sad it will be to leave this house someday.  All of our kids were brought home from the hospital to this house.  They have colored the walls with giggles, wonder, and, well, crayons. 

I thought about Christmas and family and how thankful I am that my idea of home isn't linked to a specific house but to the warm feeling I get when I'm with my awesome family.  I thought about how these are really the best years of our lives.

I thought about Lois.  I humbly realized how blessed I am to have these fifteen minutes and wondered how she would have spent them.  I thought about all the conversations we had at the library when I was pregnant with Scout.  She asked so many questions about what it was like to be pregnant.  I never thought to warn her that being pregnant could take her life.  I cried a little.  I started humming the tune to "The Sharp Knife of a Short Life."

I thought about God's faithfulness.  I tried to find an adjective to put before faithfulness and couldn't think of anything that could really describe the extent of His faithfulness to my family.  I thought about His awesome, humbling Grace and His loving Wisdom.  I wondered how Jesus would have mothered three small children.  I decided his house always would have been clean....but then I decided maybe not.  I thought about Heaven and how nice it will be to live in God's house.

I thought about the popcorn ceiling.  A lot.  It's not ideal but I really don't think they're as bad as people make them out to be.  It's kind of like hair on the head of our room.  A buzz cut maybe.   

I thought about how I wanted to blog more often and decided I would blog about my fifteen minutes.  I wanted to jump up and start writing right away but I forced myself to stay on the floor until the timer beeps. 

I thought about each of my kids and how awesome they all are.  Flora, Scout, and Timber all have their little quirks, both good and bad.  I'm so thankful that I get to be the Mommy who knows each of those quirks by heart.

And then I heard the timer beep and I thought, "What am I baking?"