boys (let it go)

I judged.  I know I did.
I would see little boys yelling and jumping and crashing and booming and pretty much spinning out of control and I would think, "I'm glad my boys are so calm.  I'm glad my boys are quiet and reserved."

They were.  They really really were.

But then they turned into boys. 

And now I finally realize that the best parenting, the best nurturing, the best intentions will not stop boys from being boys.  They will be too loud.  They will not sit still for long.  They will whoop and holler and wrestle and race and I will be tempted to yell at them to stop.  I will be tempted to regain a sense of control by calming their madness.  I will be tempted to put in headphones and lock myself in my room with a chocolate bar while mayhem ensues in the rest of the house.

But I won't.
(Well....I might have that chocolate bar....)

What I will do is realize that boys are loud and that's okay.  Boys have tons of energy and that's okay.  Boys play rough and that's okay.  Boys stink and laugh at toots and want to play with worms and dirt and that's okay. 

I will try my hardest not to shush them or calm them unless it's absolutely necessary that they be quieter or calm down.  Boys are just crazy bundles of loud energy.  Boys are also curious and adventurous and brave and eager for new experiences.  They calm down and focus when new and interesting things capture their attention -- not when I say "calm down."  What does "calm down" mean to a 5-year-old anyway?  (I'm pretty sure Scout thinks it means "keep doing what you are doing but do it in slow motion and include some slow motion sound effects")

I'm tired of saying "calm down."  Do I want them to sit politely on the couch when we have guests and make small talk with the grownups?  Well, sure, that would be cute for a while.  But they're made to play and explore and show off and have adventures and compete against each other for who can do the best jump.  They will have hours upon hours of "calm down" time once they're in school -- and they've both shown that they can behave very well (very calmly) in a school setting.  I'd like for home to be the place that they can cut loose and be boys and not be stifled.  

So....
New parents, parents of girls, parents of boys who are still in the sweet little toddler or baby stages, parents of only one boy (a boy's energy multiplies in the presence of other boys!  MULTIPLIES!), people who aren't parents, old parents who've forgotten what little boys are like, and everyone else that we come into contact with on a regular basis -- I apologize in advance for those times when my boys are jumping and yelling and bashing into each other and eating their boogers and squashing bugs and smelling like dirty laundry and looking like dirty laundry.
They're boys.  And most of the time I'm just gonna let it happen.



This is a new resolution on my part.  I thought blogging about it might help me remember to stick to it.  It's so tempting to try to control the Boy Madness.....why can't they just play My Little Pony or draw quietly for hours like Flora does???  Nope -- just gotta let it go and choose better battles.  A calm boy does not equal a good boy. 

swim lessons (i blogged!!)

I should blog more.

I should also floss more.  Exercise more.  Sleep more.  Sleep less.  Clean more.  Volunteer more.  Recycle more.  Pray more. 

But anyway.....

Swim lessons!  The kids are finally in swim lessons!  I've thought about swim lessons for years but it was always a scary idea for me and I just never put forth the effort to get them signed up.  Welp, it turns out swim lessons are fantastic!  Kinda.

Scout is not afraid to try anything.  Whether it's a weird new food or dunking his head underwater, he's game to try it at least once.  And it turns out he's really good at going underwater and learning to swim.  He's like his Aunt Sara used to be -- a fearless little fish.  The pool is his playground and he doesn't see any reason why he shouldn't be able to swim all over it.
At the beginning of the lesson, the instructor was assessing everyone's ability levels.  She asked who could put their whole heads underwater and I watched in awe as Scout raised his hand and then dunked his head.  He's been in a pool less than five times in his entire life!  But he instinctively knew how to hold his breath and even opens his eyes underwater already.  Amazing!  He LOVES swim lessons and learns something new every day.  He is swimming through hoops underwater, diving for objects at the bottom of the pool, learning to "flutter kick" across the water with a pool noodle, and practicing floating on his back.  I love his fearless attitude toward the water!!  So brave!!   

Flora, on the other hand, is just like me.  She was so excited for swim lessons and envisioned herself jumping off the diving board by the end of her first lesson.  But then she actually went to a lesson and her swimming fantasies were quickly replaced by swimming nightmares.  The water was too cold, the chlorine hurt her eyes, the city decided to test the tornado sirens (conveniently located right next to the community pool), and the instructor wanted Flora to GET HER HAIR WET.  Unacceptable. 
There were tears.  Many, many tears.  But she hung with her first lesson right up until the tornado sirens started with 10 minutes left in the session.  At that point, Flora calmly walked away from her class, sobbing, and came to sit with me while Scout and Timber finished their lessons.  She was just done.  And I totally understand that feeling.
BUT, I'm proud of her for going back to the next lesson and doing a little bit better.  There were fewer tears and she stuck it out until the end.  It's coming harder for her than it is for Scout and I'm sure that's frustrating to her so it makes me extra proud to see her keep fighting.  Despite the fact that she cried several times during today's lesson she hopped out of the pool asking how soon she could go to bed so she could wake up and come to another lesson.  Brave little girl. 
Her instructor recommended buying swim goggles for tomorrow's lesson since putting her eyes in the water pretty much reduces Flora to tears every single time.  Hopefully the goggles will help!  She practiced in the shower tonight. 

Timber is always tricky to handle.  He's like a wild animal.  Or like a very delicate pastry.  Or like anything else that you have to be an expert to get "juuust right."  I'd like to think I'm a Timber Expert by now.  So this is how his swim lessons went down:
On the first day we all gathered in a large group and they called the name of a student and showed him/her which teacher to go with.  They did the little kids, the AquaTots, first so Timber would be the first of the siblings to get called away.  I realized that this might not fly very well with him.  So, they called his name and I initiated Operation Evade Timber.  I chirped and smiled and skipped him over to his teacher and then while he was distracted by her introduction, I disappeared.  I'm not ashamed to say I totally hid behind another mom.  I was literally peeking over her shoulder to watch him.  So his teacher started to lead the little class away and he turned to run back to me -- BUT HE COULDN'T FIND ME.  So his only option was to FOLLOW HIS TEACHER or be left by himself.  BWA-HA-HA!  (Evil genius mom laugh.) 
I watched from my hiding place as he reluctantly followed his teacher, looking over his shoulder often with a big grump face and muttering things that no one could hear.  I can guarantee he was saying, "Timber don't want to swim.  Timber want to be with Mommy.  Timber don't want to have a teacher."  I know it sounds cruel but I really knew that this was the best way to make this happen.  I had already assured him that I would be sitting right next to the pool during his entire lesson so he knew I wasn't gone.  He just couldn't run to me.....because he couldn't find me......and so he stayed with his class.  And within five minutes of being in the water he was laughing and playing and having a blast.  He couldn't have cared less where I was at that point.  He loved his first lesson and said he was excited to go back.  Success!
Of course, on the morning of his second lesson he threw a big fit at home saying he didn't want to go and he wanted to stay with me.  I prepared for a battle at the pool but as soon as he saw his teacher and the water he forgot all about his protests and jumped right in for another day of fun in the water!  His class doesn't really learn to swim....they learn to play safely in the water.  It's great.  I really wish I'd started Flora and Scout in the AquaTots class when they were younger.  

So there we go!  I blogged!  Hooray!  Maybe if I could learn to write shorter blogs I'd feel like I have time to do it more often.  ;)

stress fractures

I managed to give myself a stress fracture in mid-December.  My leg hurt when I walked, throbbed on the stairs, and scolded me loudly every time I carried a child.  Silly leg didn't seem to understand (or care) that these are things that I can't just stop doing.  It seemed like it would hurt forever and honestly it made me cry a few times -- not because of the pain, but because I was SO frustrated that I couldn't do some things I wanted to do and the things I had to do were painful and mainly because it just seemed like it would never end.  And maybe the most frustrating part is that there wasn't anything to DO about it.  Wait.....wait......wait.....and I am not good at waiting.

There are other "stress fractures" in my life too.

Timber's temper tantrums.  I know he will outgrow them.  I know that there is very little I can do to calm the storm once it starts.  But it's SO frustrating!  This morning he spent an hour and a half crying because he wanted blueberry oatmeal and we don't have any blueberry oatmeal.  He's sick and he's hungry so I know he's not thinking straight.  What would make him feel better?  EATING.  Just like the Snickers commercials where the bear turns into a person (or something like that) after eating a Snickers bar.  But what does he refuse to do?  EAT.  I've learned that even providing the blueberry oatmeal is no guarantee he would eat it when he's in this mood -- he would find something wrong with it.  So what do I have to do?  WAIT.  Because eventually he will get distracted from his irrational fit and accidentally put something in his mouth and -- voila! -- the angry bear turns into a sweet little boy.  So not only do I wait wait wait for each tantrum to pass but I also wait wait wait for him to outgrow this phase.  Impatiently. 

Mealtimes.  Feeding kids is the worst.  Today they love mashed potatoes and hate chicken.  Tomorrow one of them hates mashed potatoes and the other two suddenly love chicken.  Next week they will all despise mashed potatoes and chicken.  And a month later they'll eat all the mashed potatoes and chicken off my plate but won't touch it if I fix it for them the next day.  Ditto that to every food I've ever given them.  If I had to identify a specific "stress fracture" in my day to day routine it would definitely be dinnertime.  Even when we fix things that I think they'll really like it's never 100%.  There's always one that doesn't like it.  I know that they will eventually be good eaters (Flora is already much better than the boys -- maybe going to school boosts a kid's appetite?) but in the meantime it's SO frustrating to fix their plates and then hear the usual whining/complaining about what they don't like.  So it either requires a gargantuan effort by me to stand over them and insist they eat their food bite by bite or I don't force them to eat their dinner and pay for it at bedtime when they start whining about how hungry they are.  There's probably a better answer......but I don't have it.  My current plan of action is to put reasonably healthy food in front of them every night and wait for the magical day when they all clean their plates.  Wait wait wait.....I'm not very good at waiting.  

So I know I've been pretty whiny -- "my leg hurts.....Timber is irrational.....the kids don't eat what I fix for them......boo hoo......" -- but I've been thinking a lot about the parallel between a physical stress fracture and "stress fractures" in life that you just have to wait out.  The trick is to 1) give the fracture the time it needs to heal naturally, but 2) put just a little bit of pressure on the fracture so as not to completely disrupt daily life, and 3) avoid unnecessarily stressing the fracture further (which could result in a break).  

I could have listed several other non-physical stress fractures but they're not the kind of things that needs to be preserved forever in blog format.  Hopefully when they fade away I'll completely forget that there was ever a problem.  Hopefully someday I will read over this post and laugh to remember the complete absurdity of Timber's tantrums.  Hopefully someday I won't be able to imagine a time in which the boys weren't eating everything in sight!  (I've heard that getting teenage boys to eat isn't usually a problem.)  Hopefully I'll wonder what those other stress fractures I referred to were.  Hopefully.  But, of course, I will have a whole new set of stress fractures that I'll be waiting to heal at that point.       

Ok, I needed to write all that.  Maybe I'll need to read it later.  Sorry for anyone else who actually read the whole thing.  Sometimes blogs are just for myself.  :)

The good news is that my leg is so much better now!  I've started walking on the treadmill again, although still a couple more weeks before I can run on it.  And I learned a very important lesson -- build up slowly and if something starts hurting then STOP RUNNING ON IT.
I lack patience.....and apparently quite a bit of common sense too.  ;)   

2014 -- i yam

I'm going to start 2014 by getting two things off my chest.  Two things that I have recently accepted about myself. 

1.  I am a messy person.  We are a messy family.  Our bedrooms are rarely clean.  And though I do my best to keep the living room/dining/kitchen areas presentable the truth is that they're usually pretty messy too unless someone is coming to our house.  I've abandoned my lofty ambitions of keeping all the bedrooms clean and the guilt that visited every time I failed -- they'll get cleaned every week or two and I won't care about the mess in between.  Because, really, why should kids have clean rooms??  A tidy house is a boring house.  I mean, where's the thrill in opening a closet if there's not a chance that something will fall on you?? ;)

2.  I like to stay up late at night and sleep late in the mornings.  I thought this would change once I had kids.  And then I felt like I should change those habits because sensible adults go to bed early and wake up early.  But now I've realized that I don't have sensible adult sleeping habits and there's really no reason I should.  I will stay up past midnight any time I want and on the weekends I will sleep as late as the kids will let me.

This is going to be a good year.  :)

So, now, back to the kids ---

This year we decided to celebrate New Year's Eve with the kids.  We knew Timber wouldn't last but were fairly certain Flora and Scout could stay up until midnight.  We built a fire, played The Game of Life, watched some tv,  and ate ice cream cones as we waited for the big countdown.   As predicted, Timber crashed around 10pm. 

With a few minutes until midnight we instructed Flora and Scout on the proper way to carefully toast with glass cups and poured some sparkling grape juice into two little whiskey glasses for them.  We started counting down from 20 seconds, shouted HAPPY NEW YEAR at midnight, and clinked our drink glasses.  There was jumping and dancing.....and by 12:04 Flora was fast asleep on the couch.  Chris was asleep soon after Flora and I was left with a crazy-eyed wide awake Scout.

 

 

I read somewhere on facebook that the way you ring in the New Year is a predictor of how your next year will go.  If that's so then 2014 will be another year of silly, sweet kids and barely controlled chaos.  Good times....

One of my 2014 resolutions is to blog more.  That doesn't mean I will blog more but a girl can hope, right??  ;)