never ever

If you want to completely freak me out all you have to do is take my kids swimming. Or throw me into the deep end. But don't. Really. Don't EVER. I promise to come out fighting mad and sobbing hysterically. You will simultaneously feel extreme guilt for what you've done and sheer terror at the sight of my unchecked rage coming towards you.

I can't help it -- I am afraid of water. Not all water.....just the water that goes over my head. Basically all large bodies of water kinda freak me out. Let's just say that I will never EVER go on a cruise!

It's too late for me, but I am hoping to spare my kids from having such a debilitating fear. I actually wouldn't call it "debilitating," but Chris does and has and will. He says, "What if one of the kids fell into the deep end? You wouldn't be able to save him/her." But I totally WOULD! There are some things that override fear. Love conquers fear, right? Regardless, I would like for my kids to be comfortable around water however much it might freak me out for them to get to that point.

Flora and Scout went swimming in a real pool for only the second time ever today. It was a heated indoor pool at our hotel, although it must have been fairly chilly since Scout shivered the entire time. As expected, they were excited to go swimming, hesitant and unsure once they got into the water, and giggling with glee by the end. Scout's favorite thing was jumping off the side into Chris' arms and Flora really enjoyed being carried into the deep water where her friends were swimming. I think they both had a good time despite constantly hearing "Wait!" "Don't go in there!" "Watch out!" "Use the steps!" "Walk!" and "Are you done yet?" from me.

Honestly, I couldn't wait for them to be done. A friend of mine has an expression for the way I felt -- I felt "all squiggly inside." Or squibbly? I think it's squiggly. I was excited for them to go swimming, but it was not a fun experience for me.

In the end, Flora was more than ready to be done after she slipped on a step and went under water. Well, I guess I should say that her face went under water since she was only in about 6 inches of water at the time. I panicked, of course, although I think I panicked very calmly. (BTW, I think it's VERY weird that panic has a k when it is past tense.....why not paniced? Oh, I guess I see why now -- it looks like pan-iss-ed.) Anyway, there was about half a second where Flora was under water and Chris didn't see her and I was embarking on my rescue mission (while holding Timber) ..... and in that half a second I vowed that they would never swim again. NEVER. EVER.

But then Chris picked up Flora who was shaken but not stirred--ha!--no, she was shaken but not even crying, and I took back my vow because it was a pretty silly vow anyway. Who vows that their kids will never swim again? Me, I guess.

So, this summer I may look into swimming lessons for the kids. Not for me though. I'll conquer my fear some other day. I've got other things to conquer right now.....like potty training.....and eye shadow.